I don't go to extremes

I think I've sung in public three times *, and I use a very loose definition of public (not to mention, singing)--as in, anywhere not safely esconced in my house or car. The first was when I tried out for a chorus because the girl i had a crush on was going out for chorus. The second was when I sang something for a friend in high school. The third involves some background:

During the sophomore year at UF, I had to park my car pretty much on the opposite side of the campus from my dorm. There was a large field just across the parking area, and at the other end, was something called The Bandshell. Occasionally, huge national bands would play there and the field would be filled with people (Phish and Blues Traveler in the mid 90s come to mind). At other times, it was a quiet hangout for me, as the Bandshell was open for anyone. One evening, after parking my car, I walked there before walking back to the dorm. I stayed for a while and noticed there was no one else around (it was fairly late), so...I decided to pretend like I was a rock star and totally belt out a song. I mean, actually take it seriously, like I was performing for people. I did a song by 10,000 Maniacs (I really liked their stuff at the time) and sang it all the way through. It didn't feel half bad!

I'm not under any delusions; I couldn't sing my way out of a wet paper bag, but it's not like I don't enjoy it. I think it's kind of fun. I believe I'm just missing one key ingredient, and that is the ability to really let oneself go and put all your emotion and energy into the song without compromise. I always hold something back, as letting go in that respect makes me really uncomfortable, as when you let go and give away all your emotion and energy, the vacuum that is created is filled by vulnerability. "Being vulnerable" is right up there with wet socks as a pet peeve.

I mention this, because the songs by Amos Lee and Iron and Wine are right up my alley, and I can probably sing them if I really tried, but even today, even if no one is around, I still can't really let go. I always stop myself at those points in the song where you really have to let go and really belt it out. Unlike Billy Joel, I just don't go to extremes.

Sometimes it would be nice to be able to do so.

* I'm not counting times when I'm goofing on Elvis. Or trying to do the Bee Gees. I'm trying to get a laugh when I do that, more than anything else.