In which I realize I have a lot to learn

I seem to have misplaced my watch, a Christmas gift from years ago on which I put a new stainless steel band but now needs a new battery. I thought that I would have put it in some place obvious, or maybe left it in some jacket pocket. I have been turning my apartment upside down trying to track it down, all to no avail.

However, the last time I had to deal with this watch was about six months ago when I got the steel band fitted. So, it has technically been misplaced since then, but I’ve only really started worrying about it now. Why right now?? I could have just as well worried about it six weeks ago or two months from now.

My theory is that I’m bothered by something subconsciously, and me worrying about not finding a missing watch is the physical manifestation of it.

I’ve been at my company well over three years and have acted as a supervisor/assistant manager for well over a year, but the last few weeks at work have been uncharacteristically draining for reasons I’m not quite certain of. One thing might be that I recently moved cubes, so instead of a section with two or three others, I am now in a section with a whole bunch of others. However, I don’t think that’s what is really bothering me, as being in the new section isn’t bad.

One other thing might be that I’ve had to go against type. I’m by nature very laid back, quiet, and rather unassertive—not the typical manager—so when I do actually have to be assertive, it kind of takes quite a bit of energy. Also, then I feel bad for being assertive, and I apologize. Or that I wasn’t assertive soon enough or showed enough assertiveness. It’s like I can’t win.

Also, I’ve found that it’s quite a challenge to manage different personality types. Or, more accurately, it’s easier to theorize about it than to actually do it. And I’m only the assistant…if I were the actually manager. Oy.

So, I’ve found I have yet a lot to learn and will need to do quite a bit of altering to my personality for me to do it well. It’s very defeating. One positive thing I can take from this is that I’m in a safe environment to learn.

I want to find that damn watch.